dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
