you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
