I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
