The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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