how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
