also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
