I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
