I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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