There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
