If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
