mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
