Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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