i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
