do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
