Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
