and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
