By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize