All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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