Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
