I met the friendliest cop last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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