New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Use "feeling words"
Yay
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
