Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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