Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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