After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
