the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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