I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize