this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
