Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
