I feel like abortions should bother me more
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
