Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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