At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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