It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
