I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
