hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
