My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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