they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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