You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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