i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
