I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
