who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
