The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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