i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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