Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize