Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
