Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize