i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
