He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
