dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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