im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
