I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
