How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
