He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
