he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You are the jesus of drinking
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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