You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
40s are totally the cure
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
