I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i already hear my dad disowning me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize