some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
