worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Did I show you my penis last night?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
