I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
