Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
