i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
