I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ladies don't puke and tell
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