how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
