david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
