soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
