i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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