so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
