I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize