I hate your face
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
