I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
